LIfestyle, Musings, Musings/thoughts, Parenthood

Loving my boys

26 Jan , 2018  

Together with Pips, we produced two little mini-mes, both of the male gender. Since they are both of the XY chromosomal variety, invariably, countless people have asked me if I want a little girl.

The short answer is Yes. Yes, I would still like to have a little girl, to dress her up in the prettiest of clothes, to tie her hair in so many different ways; braid it up, Elsa it to the side, a fancy updo here or let it all hang loose. She would be my little baby model, where I can indulge my girly heart to the max and shop the cutest little things for her anywhere.

Gone will be the days when I venture out shopping for my kids with a song in my heart, only to end up poking miserably at a few different tees, tucked away in a measly corner of a shop. Because apparently, trains and cars and superhero prints are enough for boys. Sighs.

I would love to watch my little girl grow up, and have her wishing to be just like mommy. I would love to watch her bloom as she matures into a young lady, her heart ever so tender. I would love to see her rely a little bit on me as a young adult, asking for help and advice as a woman to another. I would love to pass on my treasured bags and accessories to her. Yes I would love all of that. But that’s it. That’s the end of it.

No more, no less.

Wishing for a little girl, is NOT the same as wishing for a little girl INSTEAD. So when an older folk suggested to me back when Sarang was born, “don’t you wish you had a girl instead?” I was mildly offended. No I do not wish I had a little girl INSTEAD. Sarang is my child, and he’s all that I need and want. The moment he was born, heck, the moment he was conceived, he was as perfect as can be, gender and all. I would never have it any other way. Never.

Yes little fatty baby, you are loved ❤️

So while the short answer is “yes, I’d love to have a little girl”, there’s a fuller answer to the question, which presents itself to you the moment you look into my eyes. The same eyes that follow my two boys as they run along causing havoc in their wake. The same eyes that now sing and frown and dance and twinkle because of these two rascals and their neverending shenanigans. The same eyes that continuously paint a beautiful work-in-progress canvas because it has experienced such pure, deep love.

Yes my friend, I would love to have a little girl. There’s no lie nor shame in that. But just the same, there’s nothing but pride in having my two little boys, who have given me so much. My heart has never been fuller, and my family life is as complete as it could ever be.

I love my two little boys. I love watching them grow, I love watching them get into all sorts of trouble (as long as it ain’t me picking up the mess), I love watching them play together. I love them for the boys that they are, the human beings that they are, the children that they are. I love them for who they are. My love for them is not any lesser just because they belong to the same gender. If I had a little girl instead of Sarang, my love would not have been more, it would have just been a little different.

No more, no less.

Just different.

The boys on a good day - best buddies!

I know it sounds a little oxymoronic to say that I wish to have a little girl, and yet in the same breath, declare that I’m perfectly happy with my two little boys. How can one wish for something else and yet declare that one is happy with the way things are?

And yet, it is possible, because I’m feeling it. I’m living this happiness of mine, surrounded by my two little boys every single day. Hoping for a girl and being completely happy with my two boys aren’t mutually exclusive.

Should that day come when I’ve a third child, I would still hope for a little girl. But just the same, I would love the little kid endlessly regardless of the gender. At the end of the day, what does it matter if the baby is a boy or girl? He/she will still be my little baby. Mine to raise, mine to love.

So don’t feel sorry for me, if I have two boys or three. Don’t feel sorry for me if I have three girls or four. Don’t feel sorry for me because why would you? Why would you, when my children have brought me such profound happiness that I never thought existed before? Why would you when I’d never wish for anything else? Why would you when truly, my life is so completely complete?

So thank you for your concern, but I’m perfectly happy where I am. Loving my two boys fiercely, now and forever.

No more, no less.

Just the way it’s meant to be.

Love,

Jas

 

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